January 7, 2009

Ho Ho Ho the Humanity!

For all the joy and wonder that children experience at Christmas, there is one event that's pretty frightening when you're a tyke - coming face-to-face with the fat man himself. No only does this guy sneak into your house in the middle of the night, he watches you when you're asleep and when you're awake and knows if you've been bad or good. Pretty scary stuff. But he also flies through the sky - wears a bright red suit - and has a huge white beard the likes of which nobody outside of a soup kitchen has.

"Hey... what happened to all the reindeer?!"
The lack of reindeer was claus for alarm.

One of the most traumatic moments in a child's life is being dragged out to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. As bad as it is for the kids, just look at the expressions on some of these Santas' faces as they deal with terrified children -- "I'm not getting paid enough for this" as got to be going through their heads.

In stereo

Adjusting the right and left balance...

Perfect! Surround sound!

Whoa, Santa! Watch the hands!

Pleading for mercy!

I'd scream too if Santa was CRUSHING ME!

Santa, ready to jettison another screamer.

This looks like an F5 screamer.

Oh, you made Santa cry -- you're gonna pay for that come Christmas morning.

Operating the kids as if they were an accordion doesn't seem to be helping.

Going limp. Santa avoidance technique 101.

Looks like someone's getting deported.

Santa at the end of a long, weary day.

The full range of emotion from happy to sad.

If I can't be happy... then I must... strangle... Rudolph!

Okay kid... I'm gonna split you like a wishbone!

The aftermath... the kid's all cried out and Santa looks like
he's been bitch-slapped with a snow shovel

Mmmm, yeah... this one's too creepy for words.

Must be twins.

I think he just learned to poop and scream at the same time. Santa too!

Steady... steady... it's like dealing with a case of C4 on a bumpy road.

Jeez, you'd think these kids were being murdered.

Mother and daughter comparison.

Don't be scared, it's just good ol' Cadaver Claus!

This kid just realized his parents sold him into elf-slavery.

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