January 9, 2009

Ho Ho Ho Ho My God!

It's Santa Christ!

Okay, I know it's a little late for all these Christmas posts, but this is the last one. I was just too busy in December to get to them.

After Christmas comes all the Christmas sales and there's a lot of crap that retailers attempt to unload on consumers during the post-holiday shopping frenzy, particularly holiday items. I'm not certain how to reconcile the figurine below, it's sort of like Microsoft and Apple teaming up or two rival quarterbacks meeting... and what's the deal with Santa's glasses? Why are they such a prominent part of this figurine? Was Santa suddenly struck blind by the sheer awe of seeing of baby Jesus? Or maybe Santa's taking them off because he's about to give baby J a good backhand smack.

So... any chance of us working together in the future?

Even now, a little over two weeks past Christmas, people in my neighborhood still have their Christmas lights up. Not that I care all that much, but c'mon...

It's all part of my home security system-- intruders get electrocuted!

I did run across this unique lighted Pacman-themed "Christmas Tree" in Madrid which is really cool.

As I said, there's a lotta Christmas crap that's left on the shelves after the holiday... a lot of it is utterly inexplicable, like the ornament below. It's some sort of fish... fireman... thing. A fire-fish merman? I discovered a number of these "merman" themed ornaments, I think they have some sort of gay-pride relevance, but I have no idea how mer-folk figure into it all. I may not want to know.

(Insert your own "hose comment" here.)

Clowns creep me out, but I'm not surprised to see that there are clown ornaments out there, however this one looks not only sad, but dead. At least the clown hearse can fit a lot of dead clowns into it.

Mr. Snickers just snickered his last.

The ornament below I found online and if I thought Emily would let me buy one and hang it on our Christmas tree I would... it's Cthulhu Claus!

I may be a shambling horror trapped in eternal slumber
waiting to awake and devour your souls, but that doesn't
mean I don't want some eggnog and cookies too!

I don't know which is worse - Darth Vader building a Death Star out of snow, or that it looks like he's humping it.

Who's your Father... That's right--- I... am your father.

Satan... Santa... easy to get confused.

And what Christmas Tree isn't complete without Dracula?

I love to hang out 'neath the mistletoe.

I don't know what the hell this little troll/elf ornament is holding. Either he's part of Santa's ground crew helping with sleigh landings at the North Pole, or he's holding some sort of sex toys the elves stockpile during the long winter months.

I'm here to tickle yer sugarplums.

Here's probably my favorite Christmas Ornament for this year. Not fancy, but gets the point across.

And then there's the inevitable show-biz marketing ornaments. Does the world really need to add Hannah Montana and The Hulk to the Christmas tradition? Um, I gonna say "no".

Hulk smash, Christmas!

I came across the ornament below. At first I couldn't figure out what it was... a robot?... no... an octopus?... no... After closer inspection, and noticing the words "Hollywood" and "Los Angeles" did I realize that it was supposed to be a camera with movie film flowing around it. Ugh.

Nothing says Christmas like a lynched chicken.

There are also plenty of oddly created "treats" that are sold around the holidays.

Peeps - Peppermint - Marshmallow - Stars... Mmm, sounds barfalicious.

A gingerbread sleigh and reindeer?! Oh no, Santa, it's a trap
set by that old witch who tried to eat Hansel & Gretel! RUN!

Munch of the Penguins.

These two died while in captivity.

This is how a snowman views the world--- when he's on ACID!

And a few more decoration oddities--

A pair of lesbian nutcrackers. Wait, I think that's redundant.

Yippee! I'm the crappiest Christmas ornament ever!

In the end the Teamsters took care of Santa just like they did Jimmy Hoffa.

And that's it for Christmas 2008... I promise.

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